Njinja Missinos
by Yeaaa.No
Summary: They must complete their missions. It's their duty as shinobi. But seriously, can they complete these... these... “Missions"? humor-parody Ok, I know, a horrible summary but the story is good... or so I like to believe.


**Ninja Missions**

**First mission: Tenten's rescue**

(Typing sound from the old typing machine while you read the following information)

Mission: Rescue Tenten

Rank of Mission: B

Where: Leaf Village, Konoha, Hyuga Compound

Objective: Rescue Tenten from Hyuga Neji in the Hyuga Compound

Extra Details: For unknown reasons, Hyuga Neji had kidnapped Tenten in the Hyuga Compound. Rescue the victim and, why of the Hyuga's strange behavior.

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Gaara appears out of nowhere in Konoha

"Naruto does not belong to Kamiry" Gaara says

"Who are you talking to?" Naruto asks Gaara

"Who are you talking to, Dobe?" Sasuke asks while walking closer

"Well Gaara of course" Naruto responds

"Gaara?"

"What?!" Looks around but Gaara is gone "He was here just a second ago, believe it!" Naruto screamed confused.

"Yea… right…" Sasuke said sarcastically

"Oh shut up, emo" Naruto said in revenge

"Cough… I'm not emo!"

"Yes you are" Every single character that ever appeared in the series said even the dead ones and the ones in Shuppudem but except for Gaara

"That's just great! Even Haku and Zabuza appeared but no Gaara?! For crying out loud" Naruto yelled to the heavens

"Hey! Just because we are dead doesn't mean we can't hear you!" Haku yelled and slapped Naruto and punched randomly at some guy that turned out to be Jiraya and then Haku and Zabuza disappeared.

"Ok, that was creepy" Sakura all of a sudden said.

"Ah!" Both boys jumped surprised

"When did you got here?" Naruto asked touching his cheek.

"Just now, I was on the right corner when everyone called Sasuke emo"

"I thought you were one of my fan girls" Sasuke said disappointed.

"Correction I was" Sakura says and points to her collar where the 'I love Sasuke-kun club badge' used to be but now, it was just turned out.

"You left the club?" Sasuke asked

"Oh yea, I was an idiot, falling in love with an emo, mentally disrupted, antisocial, revenge seeker guy? What was I thinking?" She said

"Oh…" Sasuke said

"Sooo… what happened? Why did you call us for, Naruto?" Sakura asked suddenly actually paying attention to the chapter theme.

"Oh yea, almost forgot!" Naruto said scratching the back of his head "Tsunade has given us a mission, to rescue Tenten" Naruto said

Dramatic music was heard in the back.

"And she was supposed to be a strong Kunoichi?" Sasuke commented sarcastically.

"It isn't just that, but the one who kidnapped her is Hyuga Neji" Naruto said, both Sasuke and Sakura were shocked.

"Excuse me" Sakura said and left, then came back with a bottle of water, she drank some, then she sprayed everything all over Naruto.(like in the movies)

"What?!?" She screamed, Naruto glared at her.

"Why would Hyuga kidnap his own teammate?" Sasuke asked ignoring the little incident.

"Maybe he wanted to rape her"

Naruto, stop being such a perv!" Sakura said and went to hit Naruto but he kneeled down and she missed.

"How cute!" Naruto said pointing at a frog, Sasuke and Sakura sweat drop.

"Sigh… So the mission is ranked?" Sakura asked

"B"

"B?"

"Yea, we got to enter the Hyuga compound and get her out"

"If it is a B rank mission, why send only us three?" Sasuke asked

"Because I have the Kyuby inside me, Sasuke has his Sharingan and Sakura has super strength?" Naruto tried to guess.

"So this is in Shuppudem or before?" Sasuke asked

"I don't know Sasuke its in his wired black jumpsuit but we are in the Shuppudem cloches" Naruto tried to reason.

"This is not comfortable" Sasuke complained but suddenly they all felt the urge to ignore it and get going with the mission.

" I just have the urge to ignore the strange clothing thing and get going with the mission" Sasuke suddenly said.

"Me too" Naruto and Sakura said and went jumping ninja style towards the Hyuga compound. When they got there, they heard a female scream.

"They're torturing her" Sakura said

"Or raping her" Naruto said

"Perv! You are spending too much time with Jiraya" Sakura said

"Focus!" Sasuke demanded

"You just want to beat the hell off Neji, don't you?" Sakura asked

"Hell yea" Sasuke answered with an evil grin

"Let's just get this over with" Sakura said

"Ok… but how are we going to enter the Hyuga compound in the first place" Naruto asked

"Naruto, you moron! That's easy, we… Actually he has a point" Sakura said

"I have an idea" Naruto said

Five minutes later

Ding Dong

"Hello there, we're the door to door house salesmen… and woman" Naruto said faking a grown-up man voice. The three of them were dressed in fancy suits and a hat.

"I'm sorry, but as you can see a house is the least of our worries" The servant who answered said referring to the huge place the Hyuga lived.

"Shit" Sakura mumbles her teeth.

"Oh, right!" Sasuke said as if he forgot something

"Hehehe… Bye!" Naruto said running away dragging Sasuke and Sakura along.

Five minutes later

Ding Dong

"Hi, can we interest you in some cookies?"

"No" Slam

5 more

Ding Dong

Pizza's here!"

"Wrong place" Slam

5 more

Ding Dong

"Hello we-"

Slam

"You know, slamming the door is rude! Naruto yelled in a clown suit.

"This was the stupidest yet!" Sasuke said taking off a colorful wig "We should just sneak in"

"But they are Hyugas… They have the Byakugan" Naruto said making some weird things, signals… stuff, with is eyes and hands.

"I've got my sharingan"

"But they can see thru stuff" Naruto said still doing the weird stuff.

"Naruto, stop that!" Sakura hit Naruto in the head

"Ow… Well that gave me an idea!" An on light bulb appeared on top of Naruto's head

"Well I'm not using any more costumes!" Sakura yelled taking the light bulb and hitting it against Naruto's head.

"Hey! You could have killed me!"

"Well you're not so quit complaining!"

"Where's the nice Sakura we all know and love?" Naruto said between anime tears.

"She's dead so shut it! and tell us what's your plan" Sakura screamed

"It's that even possible?" Naruto asked

"Just tell us" Sasuke said annoyed.

"Well I thought…" Naruto said and started to whisper.

Five more minutes!

"This is not going to work" Sakura complained

"Too late to back off now" Naruto rang the door bell

Ding Dong the door opened

"How can I help you?" a servant opened the door

"Tsunade-sama sent us to ask every Genin in here level Ninja some questions for a poll" Sasuke said in his usual tone

"Oh yes of course. Please come on in" The servant said and showed them the way to a little living room.

"I'll send some members right away" The servant said and left.

"Let's go" Sakura whispered, the three of them made a clone and the real ones left, then they heard a female scream.

"NNNOOOO!!..." The girl screamed, they followed the voice until a twin door.

"Please don't!" The voice screamed, the sound of fabric being ripped then "AAAAHHHHH! Stop it!" The voice screamed and started crying

"Shut up bitch!" A mad male voice was heard

"He is raping her" Sasuke said shocked

"And he's ripping her clothing" Sakura said shocked

"Hehehehe…" Naruto started to laugh "Raping rhymes with ripping" Sasuke and Sakura glared and sweat dropped, then they burst open the door tearing it down, another scream was heard.

"What the fuck is going on?!" A mad Neji screamed

"You know perfectly well!" Naruto screamed

"What the hell is wrong with you pea brains?" Tenten screamed madder than Neji, then they noticed something interesting.

Meanwhile

In a spot of somewhere in the Sauna, Gaara sat towards the sunset hugging something.

"Gaara…" Gaara turned around and behind him kankuro was holding a box.

"What is it, Kankuro?" Gaara asked coldly

"Temari wanted you to have this" Kankuro gave the box to Gaara

"Then why didn't she gave it to me?"

"Temari is really sick in the hospital" Kankuro said in a worried tone. Gaara opened the box then threw it back to Kankuro.

"Gaara!-"

"Kankuro, I'm sorry…" Gaara looked towards the sunset

"I'm sorry Temari… But I'm not getting rid of Mr. Bear!"

"Gaara, it stinks! Temari's goldfish died because of it and it's underwater!" kankuro said trying to smack the old teddy bear off Gaara's hands

"Don't care!"

"C'mon this one is clean!"

"If all you wanted is to clean it, you should just have said so" Gaara said getting up and walking towards the laundry room to wash Mr. Bear.

Back in Konoha

"What the hell is wrong with you, pea brains?!" Tenten screamed standing next to Neji perfectly fine and clouded… actually she was wearing along baby blue dress. And Neji was standing on some suits ripping a white dress with other ripped dresses on the floor.

"What's going on?" Sakura asked confused.

"What does it look like?! We're in the middle of a play!" Tenten shouted holding the urge to rip the heads of the three shinobi.

"We thought that he was raping you!" Naruto explained

"You sick pervert!... You're spending too much time with Jiraya" Tenten said and paused for a second.

"I suggest that you run" Tenten said, then they noticed a sea of white eyes glaring at them, without knowing so, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura interrupted a sacred play for the way of living of the Hyuga.

"Get them!" Someone screamed

Mission Rescue Tenten (Typing sound)

FAILED! (Stamp)

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**Where does this come from? I don't know but its here. I'm paling on making more I just need to came up with some ridicules theme for the next mission, and don't worry I'm not paling to make an specific plot… may be evil smile so se ya next time and happy valentines XD**


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